12 Things that Happen when You Move To Vietnam

By: Zoe Osborne

Any expat living in Vietnam will agree that a lot of things change when you move here. In fact, your life is pretty much flipped on its head. From the obvious things like housing, the language barrier and quality of living, to the more complex issues that you may not even have thought of, like how you will get your child to school or yourself to the office. To what office? Where will you be working? And how will you replace those gorgeous Italian leather work shoes when their soles wear out on the knobbly sidewalks around your Vietnamese apartment?

The good news is that change is a positive thing. Even if some things that happen when you move to Vietnam seem disastrous, I can bet you there is a positive thread of gold in there somewhere. From the perspective of a young lady who moved to Ho Chi Minh City just over a year ago with $600 to her name and no university degree, I can advise you on two very clear things: firstly that an almost innumerable amount of things happen when you come to live in Vietnam, specifically Saigon, and secondly that when they’ve happened you’ll look back and be darn glad that they did.


You stop being short

I personally have never been short, per say, but I have been petite before. I was womanly, small, dwarfed by my brothers, average height...and now? Now I am a giraffe without the spots and the tail. I tower over everyone here, my bones are chunkier, clothes don’t fit and my feet are like flippers! Even the shortest of Westerners will feel average or tall here in Vietnam, and whether you find that positive or not is up to you. I personally find it funny, especially when I try to fit onto one of those tiny street stall stools.

short and tall


Your money expenditure is like a backwards bell curve

When you first move to Vietnam you have no idea what a ‘dong’ even is, let alone the fact that the smallest valid monetary division here is VND 200. You have no idea what prices are reasonable or where you can buy most products, so at first you tend to dish out the dong far more lavishly than you do when you’re a bit more settled. In the first few weeks you’re a millionaire with a pauper’s bank account, but as time progresses you slowly learn to spend more wisely.


You leave all facebook groups

There is no expat group in all of Vietnam that does not suffer from an infestation of sarcastic, obnoxious twits, and for that they are becoming more of an area of harassment rather than a community. I’m not sure why, but the people who prowl those groups seem to be more interested in making everyone wish they’d never contributed to it rather than answering simple questions or voicing objective opinions. Either way, you will probably join many expat facebook groups when you move to Vietnam, and invariably leave them within a month or two.


You discover a love for wet wipes

Either this or you get used to being a human water fixture. The honest truth is that all year, rain or shine, winter or summer, Vietnam is like a sauna. It’s just so hot and sticky and if you don’t sweat like a pig then you seriously deserve a medal. In fact, someone should invent a ‘Sweatless Champion’ award for the least moist expat. Yuck. But the point is valid - I learned to love wet wipes when I moved here, because without them I would not be the fresh, clean lady I like to be.

flood vietnam


You get a job

Vietnam is one of the few places in the world where it is 100% guaranteed that you will find a job. Ok, actually there is one condition - are you white?

Hundreds of schools and language centers operate around the country that all regularly hire a steady turnover of “native speakers” to help with pronunciation, and to bring their business credibility in the eyes of their students’ parents. The only issue is that many of these foreign “teachers” are in fact novices in the trade.

People move here to teach english as a way to make money fast before heading off on their travels, or as an easy, “low-hours high-pay” job to support a few years of mid-20s partying. Many “teachers” know more about their beer than their children or care more about their trip than the future they are dictating for their students. A lot of them aren’t even native English speakers - they just look right. Such is life!

There are many other opportunities for work here, however, and as one of the fastest developing economies in the globe Vietnam is the place for all budding entrepreneurs. If you want to come to a place with few rules, countless loopholes, catching enthusiasm and booming opportunity, get started in Vietnam.


Your concept of a “bathroom” is re-defined

So, you’re in Vietnam! Just to let you know, bathrooms are no longer tidy, white tiled boxes with a clean glass walled shower and a dry, flushable toilet... We in Vietnam feel no need to seperate toilet and shower, and your bathroom will now be perpetually moist.

Toilet paper is impractical, since moist toilet paper tends to be too mushy to be effective, so the delightful bidet is now your bottom’s best friend. And if you’re feeling extreme then why not make your bathroom even more irritating with a couple of huge plastic tubs full of dirty washing, or better yet invest in some rope to string up your clean shirts and trousers and let them drip all over your already slippery bathroom floor.

Another great thing you can apply to your bathroom is packing it full of bulky plastic furniture or miscellaneous things that are vaguely associated with washing. My own boyfriend has an excellent obsession with washing our dishes in our bathroom since it’s the only private tap we have, stacking the dishes on a fantastically ugly blue rack of plastic shelves in one corner, and leaving vast piles of manky shirts soaking in soapy water while he goes to work.


You learn to squat

Whether you’re putting something into your body or passing something out of it, squatting will become a large part of your digestive life. From sitting on a tiny street stool as you slurp your hu tieu or sip on your ca phe, to bending your knees as you prepare to relieve yourself. Squat toilets are rampant in Vietnam, though the more expensive you live the less knee bending you will have to subject yourself to.

Squatting


You become increasingly textured

Anyone who isn’t already scarred and scuffed should prepare themselves for a complete body transformation when they move to Vietnam. As soon as you step into the busy streets of Ho Chi Minh City or Hanoi, or onto one of the dusty highways that join these two cardinal points together, you will begin that slow process of erosion that we residents all come to know very well. Your skin will be bronzed (unless you cover it) and you’ll be increasingly scuffed. One famous texture that most Saigon expats will know well comes with the introduction to motor riding. The “Saigon Kiss”, a welt from your motorbike’s exhaust, can be found on most expat legs across the city.


You get used to being confused

When you move to Vietnam you will absolutely, one-hundred percent never live through a whole day without misunderstanding something. Even if you spend the day with your foreigner mates, speaking to people in your native language, you’ll probably still meet with some situation or another that confuses you. Why? Because this country make no sense. It’s almost as if people look at a process and ask themselves 3 questions:

- Does it need to work?
- Does it need to be efficient?
- Does it need to be cheap?

And then disregard every answer they thought of and go ahead with making something completely and utterly bizarre. And you know what? It’s great. Simply because life becomes so hilariously strange that everything is turned upside down and you feel like you’re walking on your ears. And then you laugh, because it’s reality.


You replace your iPhone and your wallet

If you’ve managed to hold onto your valuables so far then you have two options - either buy a leotard and become a superhero, or lock them up somewhere dark and hidden because if you haven’t lost them yet then you will soon. Very soon. It’s science, particularly in Saigon.

The city is not a dangerous one for real, organised crime, but petty theft is rife and even if you’re being careful it’s easy to be stolen from. My friend once had her phone ripped out of her hand by a man in a flower shop, who then sprinted onto the street and hopped on a moped. She thought she’d be ok since she was inside! But...no.

wallet

Luckily second-hand goods aren’t so expensive here and we’ve taken the time to find a great option for replacing your stuff, which you can read about here. But ideally, just don’t lose things. A good rule of thumb is look around you before you take your phone out, don’t put stuff in back trouser pockets, lock everything up if you’re not standing within a meter of it, and don’t wear expensive jewelry on the street.


You eat every illogical part of a chicken and forget that ‘breast’ exists

I go to the market every day and they either breed breastless chickens in Vietnam or they scoff it all themselves beforehand because I swear to you - there is never even one piece of succulent chicken breast meat. Feet? Yep. Heads? Gosh, they’re first on the table! Wings, and thighs? Mmmmm getting a bit mainstream there but ok, we stock them.

Chicken stomachs are a favourite around here, and apparently that part of the bird which, given its all too close association with poo, would be my ABSOLUTE last choice.


You invest in cats

Either this or you just start talking about investing in cats, yes feline animals, because you become convinced that you will be forever alone. This one applies mainly to Vietnam’s female expats, and though I will admit I don’t see many cats in Ho Chi Minh City I do hear many impending cat women complaining about male expats’ obsession with Vietnamese girls. Why do so many foreign men in Vietnam swear against Westerner-Westerner relationships? What’s their problem huh?

cat

Well whatever the issue is, something’s gotta give. Either Vietnam will be swamped with an influx of compensatory cats in the next 5 to 10 years or all our women will move to South America to find themselves a beautiful bronzed hispanic. But wait ladies, what about Vietnamese suiters?


Weathering the Storm: Flooding in HCMC

By: Jesus Lopez Gomez

During last year’s monsoon season, the Centre Asiatique de Recherche sur l'Eau (“Asian Water Research Centre in English) recorded an astounding 44 flooded streets.

The six-month rainy season officially starts in May, but the centre has already recorded 22 flooded streets in 2017.

Issues with Infrastructure

“Misuse of water diversion infrastructure – filling canals or blocking water drains – has in the past been the driving cause of Ho Chi Minh City’s flooding events, and Asian Water Research Center researcher Tran Ngoc Tien Dung said that remains the key culprit. “The situation [has not] changed,” Tran said in an email giving the centre’s flooding findings for this year.

The research centre defines a flooding event as water accumulation over 10 cm and if the water remains 30 minutes after a rain event.

flood-in-saigonImage source: acv.com

Beyond being a nuisance to drivers, flooding can threaten critical resources, as in Tan Son Nhat airport in 2016 when flooding there endangered the power station serving the airport. A disabled power station would have shut down the control tower.

Ho Chi Minh City responded with an immediate US$16 million worth of flood abatement construction.

This represents a fraction of the city’s ongoing financial commitment to flood relief. In September, Ho Chi Minh City announced a VND 97 trillion (US$4.3 billion) water control effort, which will span the next five years and calls for the construction of three reservoirs and a group of pumping stations. A centerpiece group of projects is an eight kilometre, three metre-wide sewage pipe to keep trash out of a key natural water diversion resource, the Saigon River.

Seeking International Relief

The flood effort has won international cooperation. The Dutch government will help build the three 10,000-cubic-metre reservoirs. In the project announcement, the city stated it had 40 percent of the funding immediately available with some of the cost being covered by international aid.

Indeed, when the World Bank’s chief Vietnam liaison Ousmane Dione visited the country for the first time in September, he affirmed the global aid group’s support. Dione’s previous positions with the World Bank were responsible for water control throughout the Southeast Asia region.

flood-in-saigonImage source: dantri.com.vn

The city’s flooding unit identified 21 flooding hotspots in 2015 and 56 in 2016. Its goal this year is to eliminate 12 of them.

This may prove to be an uphill battle due to an unusually early monsoon season. In April, photos of passengers disembarking from a plane onto a flooded tarmac made rounds on social media. Tran said inundation continues to plague the city because of residential construction, particularly what he feels is a need for greater sensitivity to hydrological concerns.

Going with the Flow

As far as the rain itself goes, Tran said beware the first half hour of a rain storm. Precipitation events tends to produce the most rainfall during that time. Tran added that rain storms tend to cluster themselves around the afternoon, so until around November, be ready for rain any time during 2 p.m. and 4 p.m. Also, “always have a raincoat with you.”

flood-in-saigonImage source: thanhnien.vn

How to Drive in the Rain

Rainy season befalls us now, but duty calls nevertheless. For those driving in the rain, here are a few helpful tips courtesy of DC Motorbike (217 D2, Binh Thanh D.) to keep you and your bike going through the precipitation despite a precipitous travel itinerary.

- If you disregarded the above and went forward anyway, no worries. Shut the bike down, move it to a dry place and use the kickstarter to activate the bike. A running engine will push any water out of the exhaust.

But if you use the electric starter, you may damage it. A manual initiation is best.

- During heavy downpours, wait until more favorable conditions if possible.

- If the water level is above the exhaust, do not proceed. A flooded exhaust can cause problems with the engine and may result in a damaged electric starter. These are costly problems that you can avoid by staying away from shin-high water.

Banner image source: baomoi.com

 


A O Show Take Four: How Good Is Teh Dar?

By: Arik Jahn

For a quite a while now, Lune Production’s internationally acclaimed A O Show is no insider tip, and instead one of Vietnam’s most famous entertainments. This cultural show combines an authentic Vietnamese experience with acrobatics, dance, music and a visit of Saigon’s and Hanoi’s opera houses, making for a constant crowd puller.

Established in 2012, Lune Production has come up with three different versions of the show in Ho Chi Minh City: the original A O Show, The Village and The Mist. Since August 2016, a fourth show has been added to the programme: The Teh Dar Show.

The Dar 5

Distinctly different from the productions that have come before, this show displays the life and customs of the ethnic tribes in Vietnam’s central highlands. Two thousand people tried out for the show, but only 15 circus artists and 5 musicians from various ethnicities were chosen.

Elephant Trousers and White Socks

Teh Dar comes with the usual A O Show amenities designed to provide a great experience for its guests from start to finish: a highly professional service staff as well as free flowing peach and lemongrass ice tea and candied ginger before the performance.

The Teh Dar audience, however, is quite different from the average opera crowd: elephant trousers, white socks and flip flops abound. This is an event catered not only to residents but also – and above all – to Ho Chi Minh City’s many tourists. Besides the show, there’s another draw to this Teh Dar: the Saigon Opera House is open to the public only on the occasion of an event, so in addition to an entertaining performance, a trip to Teh Dar will also complete your city sightseeing tour.

The Opera House Saigon

Enjoy the Show

When the light goes out, the artists enter the room in a procession that immediately immerses the audience into the show’s theme. The ethnic clothes, tribal sounds and minimalist-yet-metaphoric stage design outline the setting of the upcoming 60 minutes. “Teh Dar” itself is roughly translated as “going in a circle”, and the circle is indeed the all-dominant symbol throughout the show.

The opening scene alone is worth the money: an action-packed acrobatic hunting scene paired with thundering drum rhythms. From there, the show alternates between atmospheric scenes, romantic and spiritual interludes, funny vignettes, incredible stunts and daring feats. However, throughout these various elements, there’s no forgetting what this show is all about: displaying the tribal life in the southwestern highlands of Vietnam.

Teh Dar 2

The show ends as it started: with a procession, although this time it’s more joyful. The whole crew, singing and playing music, gathers in the lobby and invites people to take pictures with them. It’s the perfect ending to an hour of spectacle, suspense, wit, beauty, authenticity, romance, spirituality and, above all, genuine Vietnamese character.

The Fine Art of Entertainment

The show’s creators Tuan Le, Nguyen Nhat Ly, Nguyen Lan Maurice and Ngo Thanh Phuong are veterans in producing top-notch entertainment. The mere attendance figures prove this each and every night. And how often does it happen that a show not once bores you?

Traditional depictions never become stereotypical, modern elements are implemented without spoiling the show’s authenticity, and most of all: they know how to keep the balance between fast-paced and slow-paced scenes, individual and group performances, spectacle and artistic value.

Teh Dar 6

Teh Dar might be the most mature among the four A O Shows. The quality of the musical performance is beyond reasonable doubt. Traditional instruments like steel-drumish gongs, a sitar-like instrument called Goong, buffalo horns and massive elephant drums meet a modern arrangement that at times reminds one of a street jazz combo.

Anything to Moan About?

If there’s one thing to criticise, it’s the fact that the show doesn’t provide the audience with a booklet that gives credit to the artists and creators. It would have been nice to get concise information on the cultural foundations of what I had seen. But really, stop moaning, you!

What Do People Say?

Saigon’s A O Show is ranked first in the category Concerts & Shows on TripAdvisor with an average rating of 4.5 out of 5 points. A 27 out of 30 reviews of the Teh Dar Show give it full marks; and I honestly haven’t met a person who was disappointed by any of Lune Production’s events. Depending on the schedule, you might not be able to go to see the Teh Dar Show. Pick any of the others then – you won’t regret it. These shows are simply the best in town.

 


10 Fun and Free Things to Do in Saigon

By: City Pass Guide

Ok ems and anhs, here are 10 free fun things to do in Saigon today. Keep in mind, that my sense of “fun” may be different from yours and yes, I have actual fun at libraries.

Visit a Library

There are actually libraries in Ho Chi Minh City, even if it doesn’t look like it at the first glance. Many international schools and universities have libraries that are open to the public if you behave properly. However, if you want to borrow books, you need to register.


Rainbow Bridge

The rainbow bridge near the State Bank in District 1 and District 4 is a popular place to hang out for young Vietnamese couples. It’s actually a nice place to go on Saturday evenings. If you can get your hands on a padlock, you can write the name of your soulmate on it and fix it somewhere there. Don’t worry, the architect used to be Eiffel. His tower still stands upright in Paris, so your little lock won’t crash the bridge.

Rainbow Bridge


Walking Street, Nguyen Hue

Since the opening of the new walking street next to Saigon City Hall on Uncle Ho’s birthday, it became a major point to hang out for Saigonese on free evenings. Walk around, play with the fountains and tease the cops whose job it is to guard the statue so nobody can get close to it. Don’t ask me why somebody would guard a huge bronze statue, but that’s how it is. If that is not enough fun for you, you may want to marvel at the efficient precision with which the traffic lights have been synced to form an absolutely useless system.

walking street Nguyen Hue

Photo by: Khoi Nguyên Peter


Songbird Singing Competition

In the morning, Tao Đàn Park is the place to be. At the café next to Cách Mạng Tháng Tám street, hobby ornithologists are gathering with their feathered friends and the air is filled with different songs. It’s one of my favorite spots to unwind with a cup of Vietnamese coffee before the heat and bustle of the day starts gripping you by the nose.


Pretend to be a Tourist

This one aims at our expats in Saigon who already have forgotten how the city feels for tourists. Get your funny hat, a backpack with a bottle of water, camera and mosquito spray and that old I-Love-Vietnam-Shirt from the suitcase that is rotting under the bed. If you especially want to mimic a German tourist, don’t forget to put on white socks under your sandals.


Visit a Free Concert

On Saturday mornings, you have a chance to witness a free concert right in front of the Opera House. Just go there and watch, it’s really cool and features different orchestras. Sometimes it’s a march orchestra, sometimes a traditional performance and once I saw a group playing the strings.


Smile for a Change

Take some time and smile at all the obnoxious attention that you get whilst walking along the street. I know, we all got used to simply ignoring xe om drivers, massah girls and crap-selling students, but sometimes it might be nice to smile at them and listen to their stories. It’s been some time since we have been invited to play poker at some odd house, been offered some weird guy’s cousin for marriage or being proposed the best business opportunity of our life.


Challenge an Elderly

In some districts or at parks you find elderly men sitting there with their chess boards and playing. If you see one sitting alone, you can inquire if he’s up to a game. Keep in mind that he plays that game every day, so you will probably lose. If losing is not a shame, not knowing the rules is: check them out first, because Asian chess is different than ours.

chess

Photo by: Paro Nguyen


Free Music Shows

At various holidays and sometimes just for kicks, they set up a stage at 23/9 Park, near Ben Thanh Market. Sometimes also opposite of Highlands Coffee on Pham Ngu Lao. It’s free for all and you may experience some nice songs and group performances.


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